A Therapist Shares How to Heal Trauma in Order to Build Self-confidence
When we experience trauma, it can have a profound effect on our lives. We may feel like we're not good enough, that we don't deserve happiness, or that we're not worthy of love. This can lead to a loss of self-confidence and a feeling of isolation. It's important to remember that trauma is not a reflection of our worth as individuals. It's something that happens to us, and it doesn't have to define us.
Clinical social worker and Psychotherapist Caroline Browne of Kente Therapy Space shares that “we have to recognize that healing from trauma takes place in the body, meaning the human brain's pathways; the central nervous system is working to keep you safe from danger and attack. The traumatic experience may impact your mind, body, and self-esteem, but you are not a failure". There are things we can do to heal the trauma we've experienced. By working through the pain, we can begin to rebuild our self-confidence and sense of worth. We can find our way back to a place of strength and hope.
Understanding how trauma affects our self-confidence and why it is important to combat those negative feelings is critical to face in order to begin healing. Peter Levine, Author of Walking The Tiger - Healing Trauma describes that "Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness." When we experience something traumatic, we tend to bottle up our emotions and keep them inside. This can lead to a feeling of isolation, as well as a loss of self-confidence.
Caroline shares that "In our environments, we sometimes live in places where violence, pain, and suffering are somewhat normalized. We receive mixed messages to never complain, let anyone see the extent of the pain, and to keep on keeping on. Finding a safe support system to process experiences to affirm yourself is often the first step in learning you're not alone. Often the victim is blamed for the traumatic situation and criticized for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The development of self-doubt, self-loathing, and blame can turn into ANTS - Automatic Negative Thoughts - ANTS leads to negative feelings and not the best outcomes. Learning how to express our suppressed emotions safely helps to discover new pathways to heal, regain hope, connection, self-awareness, support self-confidence, emotional well-being, and recovery."
1. Start with kindness and self-compassion
When it comes to healing from trauma, kindness and self-compassion are two of the most important things you can give yourself. It's easy to be hard on yourself when you've been through something tough, but it's important to remember that you survived for a reason.
Beating yourself up will only make the healing process more difficult. Instead, try to focus on the positive things in your life and learn to be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Start with the understanding that you are not responsible for the trauma. You did not ask for it, deserve it, or could have prevented it. It's not your fault. Acknowledge that something happened to you that was out of your control. Remember, to see yourself not as a victim but as a survivor.
2. Take the time to breathe
Breathe deeply for 5 seconds. Hold your breath for 5 seconds, and so on 5-4-3-2-1. Repeat until you start to feel a sense of calm. You might not think that something as simple as breathing could help with trauma, but breathwork is actually a powerful tool for healing.
When we experience trauma, our bodies go into survival mode, characterized by shallow, rapid breathing. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and panic, as well as physical symptoms like chest tightness and headaches. Breathwork helps to calm the nervous system and break the stress response cycle.
It also increases oxygen flow to the brain, which can help to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. In addition, breathwork gives us a chance to focus on the present moment, which can be very grounding for people who have experienced trauma.
3. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
This simple exercise can help to center and focus you, providing a much-needed sense of calm. Here's how it works: Start by taking five deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. As you exhale, imagine all of your stress and anxiety leaving your body.
Next, take a look around you and name four things that you can see. Try to really notice the details of each object - its color, texture, shape, etc. Now, put your attention on three things that you can touch. Again, try to notice the specifics of each sensation.
Next, tune into two things that you can smell. Really take the time to savor each scent. Finally, pick one thing to focus on that you can taste. Whether it's a piece of candy or a sip of coffee, savor the flavor. If you're still feeling stressed, repeat the exercise as needed.
4. Surround yourself with support
It's important to find people you can trust - whether it's a friend, family member, therapist, or support group. These people can help you to feel understood and supported as you heal. It's also important to learn how to express your emotions in a healthy way by using "I" statements.
For example, "I feel scared when I'm in large crowds" or "I feel sad when I think about my childhood." By using I statements, we can begin to understand our emotions and start the process of healing.
5. Know that you are doing your best
Some days, it may look like getting out of bed and facing the world. Other days, it might mean staying in bed and taking a break. The important thing is that you are being true to yourself and your needs.
There is no single definition of "doing your best." The most important thing is to be mindful of how you're feeling and make choices based on what will serve you best in the moment.
6. Carry a transitional object
The object can be anything that brings comfort, such as a beaded bracelet or a photograph. Choose an object that is small enough to carry with you. Treat it with respect—it reflects your own self-care.
7. If "No" feels hard, say "Not right now"
Using the phrase "Not right now" is a great way to set boundaries without shutting someone out completely. It gives you the power to choose what you do and don't want to do.
8. Praise and reward yourself
Give yourself a pat on the back. Choose a reward that truly speaks to you—like a new book or a solo date. Reflect on your progress. Remember, every step forward counts.
